"To prove one's existence. To prove one's supremacy. To prove one's desire. Are you telling me... your only reason was the achievement of power so you could prove yourself?!
This ends here!
This ends now!!!"
... We all are beasts.
Beasts thriving to survive, to pass on our seeds to future generations and to satisfy our desires, all until we end up with our bodies run tired or being devoured by another beast. And yet, at the same time, we create bonds with other beasts, we love other beasts as much as we hate other beasts. Beasts of so many kinds, all living in the same universe.
But then I wonder, once again, what kind of beast am I?
Ever since I opened my eyes for the first time in this life, when tears of the skies awakened me just like a newborn baby, I had asked myself
this question so many times. Ever since I ran into the remnants of a previous life, when the dormant memories of 'her' took me as a vessel, I had asked others this question so many times. Ever since I first spoke to the beast of beasts, leading me through my own shadows, I had thought the question I asked so many times answered.
... Ever since I held her hand, when she rescued me from that abyss of the past, I asked once again to her this question. Did I receive an answer? No, but at least she did give me a reason to continue searching for the real one.
I have chosen my life, I have faced her past, I have slayed her unfinished tasks... now I am here, back to where it all began, about to see which beast is to achieve the Freedom we both desire so much, about to see which one of the two is the real beast of beasts.
But before I do that, I want to remember once more the journey me and my loved ones went through to get to this point, I want to remember and have them with me one last time, should I become the beast I fear to be, so at least... I don't forget them, the people that gave the beast I am, a reason to fight and live for...
Vaient, Michelle, Lerne, Kyra, Edgar, Shaka, Marla, Adiv, Deter, Jack, Dave, Hal, John, Glynn... and you, Rosa.
This is for all of you, my dear friends.
London, xx day, xxxx year, around midnight.
"So dark, so dark... has it always been this dark?" I thought, unable to feel, unable to do anything other than barely think as my mind awoke a little bit, after what felt like centuries of being asleep. "I remember darkness. It was a gentle darkness. With it's black misty arms embracing us all. Protecting us." I said, as if I really knew what I was even talking about, as if I remembered the meaning behind that 'us'...
"But this darkness... I can feel it's cold claws, piercing through my own body and soul." I said as I was able to little by little open my eyes, my jet black eyes... after so long. "The closer it's claws come, more clear I can see this darkness' eyes.". The cold and my condition were no factors of involvement for what I was feeling then; I really did feel, as if the shadows had manifested into a solid shape and were overwhelming me with it's sharp and cold claws. And the eyes, the darkness' eyes, were probably both what I had most wanted to see again at the time, and what I fear most even today... "Where do I know these eyes from...?"
"In one, I see emptyness. It's a painful, and sad sight, as if that eye had lost something very important and suffers the loss with every passing second." ... Rein...
"In the other, I only see the end of all life. The Death. It stares at me, with such vile as when a predator stares at it's prey right before devouring it." ... Etreum...
As I came more into focus and more of my senses coming alive, I noted my surroundings, or what little I could see. Dust, insects, garbage and other things I'd rather not mention were my welcoming. Sounds like quite an uncomfortable place to be born indeed, but I guess one cannot expect more from one of the long abandoned and forgotten underground subway stations of this city.
But I was not alone in there... at least that's what I felt. I couldn't see anyone, I couldn't hear anyone, but I could feel it. Whatever it did, whatever it was doing there is still a mystery for me, but one thing I do know, is that whoever it was it was someone... or something, I know from a long time ago, perhaps even before 'her' life.
Meanwhile not too far from where I was, above ground, fate led the most unexpected and strange person one would expect to rescue the 'damsel in distress' I was at the time, although now that I think about it, it may have been of the best things to ever happen to me. Jackie-Jack, he at the time was nothing more than your usual hobo, moving his peculiar smell from one bar to the other and with a dirty bottle of beer as his best friend.
From what he told me later, he had divorced from his wife who said as excuse that they needed to meet other people and that she wanted to live on her own (of course, not before moving all of Jack's life savings to another bank account and taking away all of the valuable objects from the house while he was outside being fired from his work, whose boss was strangely quite a gentleman around his wife before...), and well... you surely know the rest by now.
He had just been kicked out from a nearby night club, and once again he was walking around the streets without a destination, yelling curses and burping as he drank from his bottle. And the very moment he took a step in the floor right above where I was, it crumbled down making him fall with his face right in front my exposed breasts... (no comment)
Funny, I know that is how it seems when told. But I have to note here that strangely enough the moment Jack fell inside the tunnel, the "presence" I had been feeling then disappeared, and the fact I find it quite curious that ground fell at that time in particular considering how cars and several people had passed over it just fine for who-knows-how-long. Maybe this "presence" led Jack to me? I don't know... but I don't believe in coincidences anymore these days.
Jack was astonished and really afraid. Sure, a naked lady was in front of him, but with the new faint light of the moon entering the tunnel through the hole he fell in, I was able to see the reason of his fear. I mean, how would you react if you saw a naked lady, with several cuts and stains of dirt and blood all over her body, with several chains piercing right through the flesh of her arms and feet, hanging her to a burnt pillar?
And to make things worse, the moment I felt the cold wind and light come in contact with my skin, my senses of pain awakened and you bet I felt a pain worthy of making me scream until my ears and vocal cords were about to explode.
That's when Jack did what I am most thankful for, and reason why I still today see him as part of my family. Others would have run away in the scare or just leave me there to my luck, but Jack even when drunk and afraid he instead looked for a way to help me out, even if that meantstanding right in front of the transit to make someone stop and help out. He would rarely leave me, and would keep telling me how everything was going to be alright. Even when the ambulances and rescue corps came, he would not leave me and he even told them he was my father just so they would let him stay close to me the whole time...
I remember the pain, I remember the cold, I remember Jack's actions and words... but if there is something I remember most of that night, was the rain. The moment the first drop fell in my eye as the paramedics were taking me away, and went down my cheek like a tear. That was the moment I was fully born in this life of mine.
The moment Hildengard Stirland was born.